Abandonment Issues Anyone

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Thank you for joining us today on Therapy Unlock, where we unlock the mind, one conversation at a time. I am Final Girl M, and this is local living legend Katrina Mondragon.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Yes, Katrina Mondragon, licensed professional counselor, licensed mental health counselor, licensed practice in the states of Oklahoma and Massachusetts. But just because I'm a professional 29, you're a professional, so nothing we should talk about today should be taken as medical leader or otherwise advice. This podcast is purely for education and amusement. Sally is the amusement today.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Education, amusement, and because I would like to be famous, as would Sally. All right. So I figured today we might talk a little bit about abandonment issues.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Oh, I don't know a lot about abandonment, but yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Well, there are, myself included, there are people who sometimes when uh you have a relationship with someone and one person walks away from that relationship, it triggers just intense and sometimes just desperate feelings of like fight, fight, freezer fawn. Yep, fight, fight, freezer fawn. Just loss and grief and just sadness and depression. Oh, yeah, that can happen. Yeah. Those those are called abandonment issues, and dealing with those can be just a real kick in the pants, man. I tell you what, it can be one of the biggest things that you can overcome as a person. It can come from trauma and it can be just a really severe trauma response.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

It can also be real or imaginative abandonment.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Somebody can have abandonment issues whether they've been abandoned or not. Really? Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

So tell me more about that. What about what what kind of imagined abandonment can somebody have?

SPEAKER_00 1:43

It would be like if they have a thought of everyone's going to leave, but no one in their life has actually left them. Maybe their parents are still together, they're everyone's still like alive and well, and yeah, maybe they haven't experienced abandonment, whether it's through grief and loss or through divorce or moving. Some people never move their whole lives. Yeah. And so they have the same people around them. They don't necessarily have the abandonment triggers, but maybe they have abandonment issues simply from having that thought. If this person leaves, everybody's gonna leave. Or even that anxious, sometimes anxious attachment where it's like, what if they don't ever come back? That kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

Right, or causing catastrophizing. You know, sometimes when you've had a lot of lost in your life, or you've lost somebody who's really close to you, it can lead to that little worm living in your brain.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Use the big word catastrophize. So I want to define that real quick.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

Castrophizing, yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Catastrophizing is like making a mountain out of a mohill, or it's the end of the world when it's not actually. It might feel like it is, but it's not actually. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

So when you've lost someone, you know, when you've lost somebody who's just really important or really close to you, it can plant something in your mind that says, Oh, I'm going to lose everything. I'm going to lose everything.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

Everything. That's the extreme word, right? That's the all and nothing.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

Big extreme word. And all of a sudden you can start catastrophizing. You can develop abandonment issues, and it can lead to these extreme feelings of loss and grief. So, what do you do with those feelings? Oh man, personally, I just I stew on them quite often. I just I say you gotta heal it. You sit in it, you sit in it with your precious abandonment issues. No, you know, I I I don't know. I'm still working on that one myself in my therapy that I need to unlock. But that said, you know, I think one of the most important things you do with them is you remind yourself of the people that you love that are close to you. You know, you remind yourself you have everything you need. Right. You know, you you approach back to basics. Back to basics. Personally, I have to remind myself I have food, I have water, I have shelter, I have clothing, I have people who I love. I can see these people who I love. I like to look at pictures of the people who I love.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

That maintains connection sometimes. I don't know if you know about connection even when people are apart, but that's why people sometimes wear rings or necklaces or some memorabilia that lets you know that, like even when you're apart, you're still connected.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

I like to wear things that remind me of the people that I love. I think that maintains connection. I think that's a good way to keep connection with people. You know, I like to wear this. This is a ring that belonged to my grandmother. It was her wedding ring. And it I lost her a very long time ago, and it probably triggered a lot of my abandonment issues. But I look back at this ring all of the time, and it just maintains that connection for me, and that's something that I do to deal with my abandonment issues. So I don't know, viewers, chime in in the comments. Let us know what you do to deal with that planted thought that you're going to lose everything or everyone.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

Well, if you've never had that thought, chime in with how your thoughts do go.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

Where do your thoughts go? If you are a lucky, lucky angel that has no abandonment issues, what did you do to skip over that? Because please guide me. I would love to know.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

I am the unqualified opinion and personality. What about differentiating between like abandonment and grief?

SPEAKER_01 5:29

Would you say they go kind of hand in hand, or would you say I would say that abandonment and grief go hand in hand because when you have grief, you know, really ultimately it goes down to thinking to yourself, you left me and I was not ready for that. Ah, you know, when when when someone is taken from you from by loss or death, you are generally not ready for them to go, even if it is old age that takes them away. You know, I like to say that I am a grief queen because I I grieve like nobody's business. But that said, usually that abandonment feeling goes hand in hand with that grief feeling. It is a loss.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

Right, right. So that was my point is that grief is like a loss, and it doesn't necessarily have to be a death. Yeah, a loss is a loss.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

You could lose your favorite toy, and that if that's the worst thing that's ever happened to you, that's the worst thing that's ever happened to you.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Yes, that's very true, Katrina. Yeah, I completely agree. So any kind of any kind of loss is a grief, and any kind of abandonment can be a grief, and that can all go back to that ball in the jar and that box that we have talked about on the show. Go watch that episode on grief on the show before, and those all go back to those abandonment issues and those those grieving issues. Yeah. So that's that's what I thought we'd talk about today on Therapy Unlocked. This was fun. Catch y'all, catch you later.