Lessons Learned From "Bad" Relationships

Katrina Mondragon, MS, LPC, LMHC and Special Guest Final Girl Em!!!

Sponsored by Katrina Mondragon, PLLC (Est. 2016)

Every Friday new episodes are released of Therapy Unlocked, a podcast by IDK, where we work to unlock the mind- one conversation at a time.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Thank you for joining us on Therapy Unlocked. I'm Emily Huffman and we're here today with local legend Katrina Mondragon.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Yes, Katrina Mondragon, licensed professional counselor, licensed mental health counselor, licensed practice in the states of Oklahoma, Massachusetts. But just because I'm a professional doesn't mean that I'm your professional. So nothing we're going to talk about today should be taken medical legal or otherwise advice. This podcast is purely for education and amusement. And you might have an appearance by Sally. She's pretty amusing.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

Yes, this is for education and amusement, and because I would like to be famous, so make sure you are liking, subscribing, sharing, and more than ever, we just really would like to monetize the ever heck out of this. So make sure you're watching the video all the way through because we need the views. We have enough to monetize, and we need the views right now. So let's see those views go up, you guys, and that would be absolutely amazing. And today we're going to talk about what you get out of a bad relationship. Oh, um, like uh one that didn't work out, one that's over now. A relationship that just did not work out. So, like what you learn from something when you get like a divorce, you know, like sometimes you just you have a relationship that didn't work out with somebody, and it just it was terrible. And you know, sometimes it just it's it's a silver lining. And you know, I don't know if you've seen the movie Silver Linings Playbook. I live under a rock. But it is, it's about, you know, it's about two people. They're they're still they're depressed and they have this kind of toxic relationship, and it's about what they got out of the relationship, even though it was completely just kind of toxic back and forth. They yell at each other, they fight with each other, they just generally don't have a good time throughout the entire thing, but they they learn something about themselves throughout it.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Ah, okay, so it's like not a self-fulfilling prophecy, but like their experiences and relationships sort of shape who they are.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

I think that's true for most humans.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Right. So sometimes when you're going through just kind of the difficulties of life with another person, you still are learning something for yourself, or you're still getting something for yourself out of it. So, like, for instance, in my marriage, my ex-husband taught me how to clean my house. You know? So, like, even though I had this awful breakup with him that just really emotionally scarred me in many ways, it was still very confusing and difficult and painful. Um I still learned how to clean my house, you know. And in fact, recently I even called him because I I'm still not that great at cleaning my house and I needed some help cleaning my house. And by God, he came over, he helped me clean my house. So even in these complicated, messy relationships, you can still get something good out of it. And so today I thought we would talk about how it can be complicated in a relationship with someone. There can still be something good that you get out of a bad relationship, like a silver lining.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Absolutely. And I'll differentiate bad from abusive because bad doesn't necessarily mean that they hurt you physically or emotionally or the other way, but it might be that they were like emotionally neglectful or emotionally absent or like toxic in some type of way where yelling was the love language. Yeah, yeah, you know, and sometimes it can be just a desperate kind of feeling in a relationship that just you don't know what to do or what you're getting out of it, or you know, it can just be awful, but you can still have something in that that was love, right, and advantageous to you as a whole human being, not just that it wasn't just maybe a chapter, but maybe a chapter that is part of the whole story. Yeah, especially when children are involved, right? Because that is one of those bonds that links two people together, regardless of your relationship status.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Yeah. And you you really don't have a choice when children are involved. You will be linked together for an eternity when children are involved. So that means you have to make those things work out by God or by faith or by just general clem. You just have to figure it out because that is what you do, because children are involved.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Right. Perseverance is a virtue, I think. Perseverance through adversity, whatever that adversity may be. Yeah, you know, and it's it's a choice up until the point that you are a parent. And then you're responsible for another human being or beings. I call them tiny humans sometimes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

But once you become a parent, or once you you know that there is another life you are responsible for in a situation, that's when you know you have to step up and you have to make the relationship work, whatever that relationship is. And you don't even have to believe in God, you just have to know you're responsible for another life, and that's where you can find those silver linings, I think, every single time.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

So I'm curious about the God perspective, or some people have said good orderly direction. I'm more secular, so I'm curious about that perspective.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

Yeah, so I don't even think you have to believe in God, I just think if you know there's another life involved that you're responsible for, then you simply have to do whatever is right for the other life you are responsible for, because that's your responsibility as a human being on earth, because that's the order of nature.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

That makes sense, and it makes me think of the memoir I'm reading right now. I don't know if you know who Bunny XO is, but jelly rolls, I guess she's a big one. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Yeah, I guess she is an ex now. I did read that. Did you hear the gossip about whether or not maybe she poisoned that sandwich? No. For yeah, I don't know if she poisoned the sandwich for Bobby um Atnoff or not, but that's possible. Maybe poison the sandwich for Bobby Atnoff.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

I don't even know who that is, but we'll just let it.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

Well, I don't know. It's possible. We'll see. That's a little gossip from TikTok. Back to the original thing we were talking about. Well, I just like to throw a little gossip in here. It's a good podcast. It's just I'm I'm just like to throw it out there. Right. Gossip can be healthy.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

I think I have an episode on gossip somewhere.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

We have a gossiping girls episode. We do. Go back and check it out, guys. Anyway, I'm just saying. Oh, so you're saying about you don't have to believe in any sort of you don't have to believe in any entity, you don't have to believe in any gods or goddesses. If there is another life involved, you simply do have to make a relationship with someone work in some way. It doesn't have to be romantic anymore. But it's co-parenting, it's co-parenting, or it's friendship, or it's simply a cordial connection.

SPEAKER_00 7:50

I've heard of people having to do handoffs at like sheriff offices so that they remain cordial during the handoffs.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

It has to become a cordial connection in some way. You know, I have to communicate with one of my baby daddies through a secure network messaging system, through a prison network messaging system. That is what it had to become. But by by God, we figured it out because we have a child together, and that's what you do when you have a child with someone. Thanks for joining us today on Therapy Unlocked. That was a good discussion on the silver linings you can find in a bad relationship. Join us again next time, and we're happy.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

Comment if you have a story about co parenting or being in an old relationship that you label bad or weird or wrong or whatever. Yeah. All right. Fell's your story later.